Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: How the Head Kept His Head, Liz Brownlee

So today’s poem is by ME! Therefore it seems appropriate to have a picture of Lola as she is dressed when doing her job and accompanying me to… well everywhere! Lola is a medical detection dog. She has been trained to alert me to high or low blood sugar – I am diabetic, have no warnings of low blood sugar and fall very quickly. She lets me know before my blood sugar gets too low and I have some glucose and then I am ok – which stops me from becoming unconscious, as used to happen, regularly! She has saved my life many times. She is of course the best dog in the world. Here is one of my funny poems.

How The Head Kept His Head

 

One day during registration

to his teacher’s consternation

Lloyd chewed his nails, his toes, and then

the half-done register and pen!

 

The Head, when called, watched in despair

as Lloyd scoffed whiteboards and a chair.

He cried, ‘This problem must be beaten –

we’re not insured for being eaten!’

 

But Lloyd just grinned, unhinged his jaw

and ate the lino off the floor,

gnashed ninety felt tips, slurped some glue,

then gobbled bags of gym shoes too!

 

The ipads crunched like toffee brittle –

then in a spray of liquid spittle

he snacked on Lego in the hall

and Harry hamster cage and all!

 

When class four’s P.C. bite by byte

followed their keyboard out of sight,

the children gasped, then saw with dread,

Lloyd’s eyes alight upon the Head!

 

With fervour, ‘PUDDING!’ Lloyd announced,

and with wild slaverings he pounced –

the Head yelled ‘STOP’ (his voice quite shrill)

‘I taste of greens, I’ll make you ill!’

 

And so Lloyd, when forced to pause here,

found he did feel some slight nausea-

his mum was called: ‘Please do come quick,

for school has made Lloyd very sick!’

 

© Liz Brownlee

 

What do you do if your dog chews up your poem?

You have to take the words right out of her mouth!

Author:

Poet, blogger and owner of Lola the alert dog. Be the Change, Apes to Zebras, The Same Inside, Reaching the Stars, Animal Magic. I visit schools, libraries, literary festivals, and organise poetry events. I give Zoom lessons on writing poetry for children. http://www.poetryroundabout.com http://www.lizbrownleepoet.com @Lizpoet

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