Posted in A to Z Challenge 2019

#AtoZ Challenge, U is for Useless by A F Harrold

A.F. Harrold is a children’s author and children’s poet who writes and performs for both grown ups and children. He can often be found in school halls pointing at children and sharing his poems, and even more often in the bath, thinking them up… His latest wonderful poetry book is Things You Find in a Poet’s Beard, illustrated by Chris Riddell in my favourite colour.  A. F.’s Website is here and Twitter here.

Here is the brilliant poem beginning with ‘U’ that A. F. has sent for the Poetry Feast:

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Useless

 

I feel as useful as a kipper that’s been kept in a kettle,

as useful as a conker in your socks,

as useful as a top hat that’s been stuffed with orange jelly

and then balanced on the head of a fox.

 

I feel as useful as an ostrich on the number eighteen bus,

as useful as a desert in a pool,

as useful as a sausage that you’ve asked for assistance

with the homework that you’ve brought home from school.

 

I feel as useful as a cabbage that’s learnt to play cricket,

as useful as a llama on the moon,

as useful as a trifle that is sitting on the sideboard

saying ‘Eat me’ out of sight of a spoon.

 

But enough about me,

let’s talk about you…

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© A.F. Harrold

 

If you would like to blog hop to the next AtoZ Challenge post, please follow this link.

Children’s Poets’ Climate Change blog: Be the Change

Liz’s Blog: Liz Brownlee Poet

Liz’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Lizpoet

KidsPoets4Climate Twitter: https://twitter.com/poets4climate

Children’s Poetry Summit Twitter: https://twitter.com/kidspoetsummit

 

Posted in Famous children's poets

The Three Types of Poem by A. F. Harrold (and – How to Pass Poetry Exams)

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How to describe A. F. Harrold? Well, he has a beard. His poems are brilliant and sometimes wonderfully weird. And he’s fun. Some of his poems, and his book, Things You Find in a Poet’s Beard, are illustrated by the amazingly talented Chris Riddell, who did the fabulous pirate illustration to go with the poem at the end of the article. Here A. F. describes the three types of poem – and how to pass a poetry exam! 

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The Three Types of Poem

 

There’s an old story I just made up about a woman who goes for a walk in the woods and discovers, there on the ground in the middle of the path, a carrot.

It’s an odd place for there to be a carrot, she thinks.

Carrots normally appear on plates, or in saucepans, or places like that… not on paths.

So she picks the carrot up and looks at it.

And it turns out it’s not a carrot after all, but a wolf-in-disguise.

And the woman gets eaten by the wolf and learns an important lesson.

 

‘Now,’ I say, ‘a poem is like the character in the story.’

‘But which character?’ the imaginary voice in my head asks.

‘Let me explain,’ I say. And I do…

Some poems are like the woman: they wander into the woods and they pick things up and look at them.

Some poems, on the other hand, are like wolves-in-disguise: they look like they’re going to be one thing, but they turn out to be quite unexpected. (Sometimes you, the reader, escape them, sometimes you end up inside them.)

And some poems are like carrots.

 

So, if you’re ever set a test or exam or quiz about poems, just take your answer sheet and write: ‘woman,’ ‘wolf,’ or ‘carrot’ in nice big, neat, clear handwriting and you’re bound to get full marks. Guaranteed. For sure.

There’s no need to thank me.

 

A following example poem, by me, is a carrot.

 

 

Pirate

 

            The vegetarian pirate

has a carrot instead of a parrot,

which doesn’t make much sense

but is handy if he ever needs

a nutritious snack halfway through the day.

 

(Poem and illustration (by Chris Riddell) from Things You Find in a Poet’s Beard: www.afharroldkids.com/poetry)

 

Posted in A to Z Blog Challenge 2018

H is for Children’s Poet and Author A. F. Harrold, #AtoZChallenge, #ZtoA

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A. F. Harrold

A.F. Harrold is a children’s author and children’s poet who writes and performs for both grown ups and children. He can often be found in school halls pointing at children and sharing his poems, and even more often in the bath, thinking them up… though he’d rather you didn’t come in, thank you, because that would be weird. Just be patient. His latest poetry book is Things You Find in a Poet’s Beard, illustrated by Chris Riddell.  A. F.’s Website is here and Twitter here.

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He has kindly sent a poem beautifully illustrated by the wonderful illustrator and British Children’s Laureate 2017, Chris Riddell. It happens to be a picture of A. F. himself.

 

 

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© A.F. Harrold and Chris Riddell

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