Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: Dog Poem by Liz Brownlee

Here’s my favourite dog in the bluebells! And a poem below all about different types of dogs. See how many breeds you can guess! Do you have one of them?

 

Dogs, Dogs, Dogs…

 

There’s huge hairy mountains

with stalactite drool,

that plunge into rivers

and puddles and pools,

 

that shake after bathing

in whirlwinds of fur,

and send all their loose skin

a-whizz and a-whirr,

 

or flollopy-lollops,

the smell connoisseurs,

with excess of ear

a-flap and a-blur,

 

the low-slung torpedoes

with bright, soulful eyes,

full of courage and heart

though half a dog high,

 

the dependable dogs

with table-clear tails,

big snacketites

and loyal without fail,

 

the bundles of feisty

all tumbles and rolls,

all-go dog dynamoes

that disappear down holes,

 

the elegant racers

with elongate faces,

who are mostly asleep

when not having chases,

 

the crosses with charm

and oodles of cutes,

bright as round buttons

in curled or wool suits,

 

the broad faced with jowls

and shoulders of bulk,

the gentle of nature

belied by their hulk,

 

the obedient workers,

intelligence furred,

their unquenchable aim

to round up and herd,

 

all small dogs and big dogs

the smooth, silky, rough

the plain, spots, and brindles

the meek and the tough

 

pet dogs and work dogs

a champ or rescue;

the thing they’ve in common

is they all love you.

 

© Liz Brownlee

 

Write a poem about your dream pet – it doesn’t need to be a real animal, it could be a unicorn, or a phoenix, or another magical creature with amazing abilities. Or it could be he pet you’ve always wanted. What’s the best thing about them, and the worst? How do they feel, look, sound, smell?

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: A Sea-Serpent Saw a Big Tanker, by Anon.

So here is Miss Sandy Nose, aka Lola Brownlee, on Weymouth beach… she adores the sand. I do not. I really do not like sand. I like looking at sand and sea, and have lived near the sea as a child and teenager and young adult for many, many years. I have the ear damage to prove it. I like sea VIEWS. 

Today’s poem, as promised, is by Anon., that most prolific of poets. And illustrates why it is healthy to take a cautious attitude to anything sea-related. This limerick poem is printed in the Kingfisher Book of Comic Verse, a book which contains several other absolute favourites of mine. A limerick always has the same rhythm and rhyming pattern… AABBA, and usually 8-9 syllables in the ‘A’ rhyming lines and 5 in the rhyming ‘B’ lines.

 

A Sea-Serpent Saw a Big Tanker

 

A sea-serpent saw a big tanker,

Bit a hole in her side and then sank her.

It swallowed the crew

In a minute of two,

And then picked its teeth with the anchor.

 

Anonymous.

 

Joke:

What does a sea monster eat?

¡sdᴉɥs puɐ ɥsᴉɟ

 

 

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: Laughter by Philippa Rae

Another poem about laughter today – so here is Lola enjoying a giggle with her big brother when she was a puppy. It always makes me smile, anyway! She particularly like having her tummy tickled… Thank you, Philippa for this poem!

 

The Gift Of Laughter

 

I caught a peal of laughter

Before it got away

It flittered and it fluttered

Brightening up my day

 

It rippled in my hand

Pulsating with the giggles

A light and friendly laughter

That gave off little wiggles

 

See my laugh collection!

I’ve got chuckles and guffaws

Chortles and Hee hees and

Ha ha’s and haw haws!

 

I have saved this laughter

In a jar up in my room

And when I’m next unhappy

And filled with doom and gloom

 

I’ll let these peals fly

Bring a smile to those they touch

Laughter is a precious gift

Thank you very much

 

© Philippa Rae

 

Today’s joke – did you know that if you look at a mirror REALLY closely, it looks like an eyeball?

Oh! And Happy Birthday to Peter, my husband!

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: How the Head Kept His Head, Liz Brownlee

So today’s poem is by ME! Therefore it seems appropriate to have a picture of Lola as she is dressed when doing her job and accompanying me to… well everywhere! Lola is a medical detection dog. She has been trained to alert me to high or low blood sugar – I am diabetic, have no warnings of low blood sugar and fall very quickly. She lets me know before my blood sugar gets too low and I have some glucose and then I am ok – which stops me from becoming unconscious, as used to happen, regularly! She has saved my life many times. She is of course the best dog in the world. Here is one of my funny poems.

How The Head Kept His Head

 

One day during registration

to his teacher’s consternation

Lloyd chewed his nails, his toes, and then

the half-done register and pen!

 

The Head, when called, watched in despair

as Lloyd scoffed whiteboards and a chair.

He cried, ‘This problem must be beaten –

we’re not insured for being eaten!’

 

But Lloyd just grinned, unhinged his jaw

and ate the lino off the floor,

gnashed ninety felt tips, slurped some glue,

then gobbled bags of gym shoes too!

 

The ipads crunched like toffee brittle –

then in a spray of liquid spittle

he snacked on Lego in the hall

and Harry hamster cage and all!

 

When class four’s P.C. bite by byte

followed their keyboard out of sight,

the children gasped, then saw with dread,

Lloyd’s eyes alight upon the Head!

 

With fervour, ‘PUDDING!’ Lloyd announced,

and with wild slaverings he pounced –

the Head yelled ‘STOP’ (his voice quite shrill)

‘I taste of greens, I’ll make you ill!’

 

And so Lloyd, when forced to pause here,

found he did feel some slight nausea-

his mum was called: ‘Please do come quick,

for school has made Lloyd very sick!’

 

© Liz Brownlee

 

What do you do if your dog chews up your poem?

You have to take the words right out of her mouth!