Neal Zetter – Poetry Roundabout

A Rainbow of Poems – Red, by Neal Zetter

Posted on April 14, 2020April 13, 2020 by Liz Brownlee

This is Lola as a puppy on the red bean bag, with her favourite toy – she still loves balls! Today there is a red poem by Neal Zetter, thank you very much, Neal!

Red

Red is a stunning sunset horizon
Red is a flickering flame
Red is the hottest hue you’ll lay your eyes on
Red is half the pack of a playing card game
Red is the brightness in neon lighting
Red is the blood of Count Dracula’s biting
The Devil himself is red, red, red!
Which shade did Dad choose to paint our garden shed?
Red!

Don’t confuse the Red Sea with the Dead Sea
Which is your favourite red fruit – cherry, raspberry or strawberry?
Too much TV and IT will redden your eyes
Red ants in your pants is not a pleasant surprise
If your skin’s burning lobster red get off that sunbed
Check out those clowns with massive red noses
Smell the sweetness of my Valentine’s red roses

He was red with embarrassment
She was red with anger
Swimming by the red flag puts you in grave danger
Stop!
A red signal will halt speeding traffic
Pop!
My red balloon burst as a pin pricked its plastic
If your red’s too red then think
About mixing in white to turn it pink

Ladies like to apply red makeup to their lips
Kids love to pour red ketchup on their chips
And if you’re seriously silly
You might put raw red chilli on your tongue
Want a red fire engine dial 911
In the USA
Or 999 in the UK
Ole!
The bull charged the matador on seeing red
If you’re colourblind you may be seeing green instead
Red rubies, cabbages, hair, beetroot, cheeks
Apples, pandas, buses, Lego bricks.

© Neal Zetter

Funny Poem a Day

A Funny Poem a Day: Have a Laugh, by Neal Zetter

Posted on March 21, 2020March 21, 2020 by Liz Brownlee

It doesn’t take much to make Lola laugh, a tickle, the sight of delicious, tasty morsels of meat… or if you tell her a joke. Of course, she doesn’t have the distinction of being named after a laugh. That is reserved for the chi-hua-hua-hua… Anyhoo, today’s poem to make you chuckle comes from Neal Zetter, thank you Neal! You can find my favourite of Neal’s books here. It is about superheroes!

Have a Laugh

Have a chuckle
Have a giggle
Till your belly bobs and jiggles
Go on – act completely daft
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!

You’ll feel jolly
You’ll feel cheery
When your day is dull and dreary
Don’t sing in your shower or bath
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!
He! He! He!
Try a bit of comedy
Laugh, laugh, laugh
Have a laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Make a smirk
Make a smile
Keep on grinning all the while
Like hyenas
Not giraffes
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Why be grumpy?
Why be moody?
When you’re down and bored and broody
Reach out to your happy half
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!
He! He! He!
Melt away your misery
Laugh, laugh, laugh
Have a laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

Here is Neal with his dog, Hugo, who looks very like Lola!

National Poetry Day 2019

National Poetry Week Lie Poem by Neal Zetter

Posted on October 4, 2019 by Liz Brownlee

Neal Zetter is an award-winning children’s author, comedy performance poet and entertainer. Most days Neal is found performing or running fun poetry writing or performance workshops in schools and libraries with children, teens, adults or families. He has worked in all 33 London Boroughs and many, many other UK cities. One of his Troika books for 6-13 year olds includes Yuck & Yum (A Feast of Funny Food Poems) illustrated by Scoular Anderson, with poet Joshua Seigal. More information is here. Neal’s Twitter page is here, and Neal’s Amazon Author page is here.

The Dog Ate My Homework

The dog ate my homework Miss
At breakfast time today
I managed to complete it first
I’m sure I got top grade
He suddenly felt peckish
In one gulp wolfed it down
I can’t hand in my homework
‘Cause I have a hungry hound

The dog ate my homework Miss
He shredded it to bits
Then munched it, crunched it, lunched it
Sent it to the dark abyss
It’s stuck inside his stomach
It nestles in his guts
I can’t hand in my homework
‘Cause my mutt has scoffed it up

The dog ate my homework Miss
I hate to break bad news
Preferred it to his dinner
And his biscuits, treats and chews
I’m begging you believe me
I’m telling you the truth
I can’t hand in my homework
‘Cause my pet’s a piggish pooch

The dog ate my homework Miss
It’s never coming back
My literacy, French, science
Art, geography and maths
He certainly is sorry
I hope you’re fine with that
But think I’d better warn you…
I also own a greedy cat

Thanks for this funny poem, Neal!

Yuck and Yum by Joshua Seigal and Neal Zetter

A feast of funny food poems, accompanied by some really very dodgy laugh-out-loud facts, except for the ones that are clearly true, such as 99.4% of children say they would prefer Brussel sprouts to chocolate if they had to choose one or the other for a snack.

These are read-out-loud poems, and having heard the one reproduced below performed by Neal, extremely effective and great fun.

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

What’s the longest fruit you’ve seen?

Found in milkshake, yoghurt and ice cream

When they’re on my plate I lick it clean

A tremendous taste

Too good to waste

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

You’ll slip upon their slimy skin

So put the peel into the bin

What word doesn’t stop after it begins?

Simply unending

I’m always bending my

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

You can mash them

You can squash them

You can squish them

You can gulp them

You can fry them

You can spread them

You can pound them

You can pulp them

When I ask what food you’ve had today

I’m hoping that you’re going to say

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

Monkeys eat them at the zoo

They’re yellow and black not orange and blue

Ideal in soup or in a stew

They’re versatile

Shaped like a smile

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

Buy them by the kilo, pound or bunch

Stick them in your sandwich box for lunch

They’re the ideal snack when it comes to the crunch

Travelling all the way from Jamaica

What fruit’s got a name that’s a record breaker?

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

Before you get some from the store

Shout out this poem’s title once more

Ba nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana

My favourite poem by Joshua Seigal is By Royal Appointment. I’m pretty sure she does like a certain dark brown spread for toast. Who doesn’t?

Yuck and Yum, a Feast of Funny Food Poems by Joshua Seigal and Neal Zetter, Troika, is available here.

A to Z Blog Challenge 2018

Z is for Children’s Poet and Performer Neal Zetter, #AtoZChallenge #ZtoA

Posted on April 1, 2018April 1, 2018 by Liz Brownlee

Neal Zetter

Neal Zetter is an award-winning children’s author, comedy performance poet and entertainer. Most days Neal is found performing or running fun poetry writing or performance workshops in schools and libraries with children, teens, adults or families. He has worked in all 33 London Boroughs and many, many other UK cities. Neal has written a whole host of comedy poetry books, all published by Troika (you can see some here). Future Troika books for 6-13 year olds include Yuck & Yum (A Feast of Funny Food Poems) illustrated by Scoular Anderson, with poet Joshua Seigal, out April 26th. More information is here. Neal’s Twitter page is here, and Neal’s Amazon Author page is here.

This is one of Neal’s funny poems:

It’s Got to Be a Pea

What is that tiny little ball that’s knocking at your door?
Grass-green and round it makes no sound when rolling ‘cross the floor
Born in a pod and served with cod it doesn’t grow on trees
It’s got to be
It has to be
It’s certainly a pea

It might come from a freezer bag or fresh or from a can
It might be liquidised in soup though would taste weird in jam
What’s fun to flick at dinnertime at friends or family?
It’s got to be
It has to be
It’s definitely a pea

It could be minted, split, black-eyed or even marrow fat
Or squished and squashed beneath your shoe, steamrollered, fairly flat
Don’t stick one up your nostril it will make you sniff and sneeze
It’s got to be
It has to be
(The 16th letter of your ABC)
It’s unquestionably a pea

Click on the title of the post to be taken to the post’s page where you will be able to comment! Thank you!

You can hear more about children’s poets and poetry, if you follow The Children’s Poetry Summit, @kidspoetsummit on Twitter

If you’d like to see some more Blogs from the A-Z Challenge, click the link on the A-Z Blog Challenge 2018 logo in the right-hand column.

Poetry Book Parade

Here Come the Superheroes, by Neal Zetter, illustrated by Chris White

Posted on February 14, 2018February 14, 2018 by Liz Brownlee

Neal Zetter is a London-based comedy performance poet, author and entertainer who uses poetry writing and performance to develop literacy, confidence, self-expression, creativity and presentation skills in 3 to 103 year olds.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I’m certain any young person will as well. The illustrations by Chris White, writer, illustrator and performer, match the fun and energetic raps and rhymes perfectly.

Each poem comes with additional secret data about each Superhero character.

In fact I was moved to write my review as a poem straight after reading it, which must also be a sign that it will inspire youngsters to try a superhero poem of their own. Here is my pale imitation of a superhero poem…

Here Come the Superheroes

the name is very apt,

superhero girls and boys

read and you’ll be rapt

I tried to tear my eyes away

but I was truly trapped

read all through the book and then

rapped till my eyeballs snapped

Yes, well, I am not a rapper. But Neal is… here’s an example snippet from the first verse of Here Comes Sister Speed:

Here Comes Sister Speed

Faster than a flash

She’s a raging rocket

She’s a white-hot wire

An electric socket

She’s a lightning bolt

She’s a rampant cheetah

plot and plan a crime

and she will defeat you

Whizzing to the rescue

in your hour of need

Here comes sister Speed!

I read all the poems out loud and they are real performance poems – I suspect they make a wonderful set in schools. The whole book is beautifully produced with lovely quality paper and printing. Recommended for Superhero fans everywhere.

Published by Troika Books, available here.

Freedom Poem for National Poetry Day from Neal Zetter

When the Bell Goes

When the bell goes
The long day’s ending
When the bell goes
Grab coats and bags

Thrilled and overjoyed
Making lots of noise
Running to the gates with all the other girls and boys

When the bell goes
We’re so excited
When the bell goes
At half-past three

Hurrying for home
Chatting on our phones
Stopping at the ice cream van to buy a strawberry cone

When the bell goes
We’re screaming, shouting
When the bell goes
We’re crazy, nuts

Dashing down the streets
Sucking sticky sweets
Practising our rapping to the rhythms and the beats

When the bell goes
The lesson’s finished
When the bell goes
We come alive

Jumping over walls
Breaking every rule
Doing lots of stuff we’re not allowed to do at school

I don’t care about anything
When I hear ring, ring, ring, ring
When the bell goes
When the bell goes
When the bell goes