Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day – Masterpiece Mum, by Sarah Ziman

Lola does not paint very often, she is not that artistic, but just occasionally she makes her mark for a good cause. She is a passionate believer in libraries and books and reading – as you can see from her poster.

Thank you to Sarah Ziman for the today’s poem – I think you will see the connection to the above subject, once you have read it!

 

Masterpiece Mum

 

My face is shaped like a potato,

I’ve got rather odd coloured skin –

one eye is up high on my forehead,

and the other is nearer my chin.

My cabbage leaf ears are enormous,

my earrings could be nuts and bolts,

for my hair just imagine a hedgehog –

who’s somehow received ninety volts.

My cheeks are as red as two cherries,

my teeth are a giant white bridge,

but you can tell from my grin that I’m happy –

and I’m proud to be stuck to the fridge!

 

© Sarah Ziman

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Penguin Day!

Well, it has recently been penguin day so celebrate the occasion here is my shape poem of a penguin. It’s in Apes to Zebras, an A-Z of Shape Poems, by me, Sue Hardy-Dawson and Roger Stevens. And yes, we did do the shapes ourselves. It’s the first thing I have looked at under lockdown that has gone down in price – a hardback bargain!

Lola wishes you all a lovely day. When she went to zoo, she showed no interest at all in penguins. She was however fascinated by the orangutans at Monkey World. And the baby orangutans were fascinated by her!

Posted in Radio Blogging

A Poem a Day During Lockdown, and RadioBlogging

Moments like the one above don’t come along very frequently – the first time Lola smelled a rose – she seemed to like it! Today I was on RadioBlogging.net, and I read the poem below, all about fleeting moments, moments that are special and wonderful for a number of reasons, but which you cannot keep, bottle, retain… except in memory. And possibly, sometimes, if you are lucky, in a photo! I’m at 18:20 on the link if you only want to hear me reading the poem below, with an interview a little while afterwards.

If you haven’t come across Radioblogging.net then would encourage you to listen to the link above in its entirety – a wonderful daily show (from 9:30 am) full of interactive activities to keep everyone busy and engaged, with Pie CorbettDeputy MitchellIan Rockey and Russell Prue. It’s aimed at families and schools, it’s interactive, and children’s writing can be published during and after the show. It’s brilliant!

Here’s the poem – to be published in a new book coming out next year by Otter-Barry:

 

Things You Cannot Keep

 

The softness of the lemon in a primrose

the nodding of a bluebell from a bee

the silence in the gaps of a bird’s song

the library of the creatures in a tree

the plumping of a plum in the sunshine

the crazy path an ant left in the grass

the warmth of a hug and its safety –

the moment when the sky darks for the stars.

 

© Liz Brownlee

 

You could write your own poem about things you cannot keep – there were some great suggestions on the radioblogging show, such as Hannah’s line, ‘your breath on a winter’s morning’, Onora’s line, ‘the shine of a rainbow in a the sky’, Lydia’s line ‘the white-pink blossom from an apple tree’, and Coco’s, ‘the crackle of rice krispies on my tongue’!

Don’t forget you can send me poems you have written, and maybe you’ll see them on this blog!

 

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Poetry Book Parade

If I Were Other Than Myself, by Sue Hardy-Dawson

Oh, Sue Hardy-Dawson. I was waiting for another book from Sue, and it arrived through the post a little while ago – but I didn’t want to post a review until I had read it all, and really, it takes a while to read and notice all the details, the metaphor, the wordplay, the delicious words, the beauty within Sue’s poems.

And to make the perfection whole – Sue’s own illustrations – which of course exactly complement the poems.

This book has everything you could possibly want from a poetry book and lot of more besides, which you could never dream of wanting, because Sue’s imagination is rich and wild and free and unique.

Order it now and step into Sue’s world – you won’t regret it. Here is a small sample. If I Were Other Than Myself, Troika, Sue Hardy-Dawson.

Funny poems a day resuming soon – I fell over and hurt myself and have taken a few days to rest! All fine, now!

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Funny Poem a Day

A Rainbow of Poems – I Wish, by Carole Bromley

In 2013, we toured all the 80 Gromit statues in Bristol (and one in London, Paddington) to raise some money for Medical Detection Dogs, who trained Lola. This beautiful golden Gromit was at St Nicholas Market. Gold and Silver are at the end of the rainbow, not in the sky, but in the ground… there is more gold and silver in Carole Bromley‘s poem, below – thank you, Carole!

 

I Wish

 

I wish I could live in the dolls’ house

and sit on a velvet chair and sip

from a silver goblet  

 

I could sleep under that patchwork

grandma made with a cotton wool pillow

and keep my socks on all night 

 

I’d loll against the kitchen sink

like the silly pipe-cleaner doll

washing the one gold plate

 

Sometimes I’d take a bath in the pink tub

and gaze up at the bare bulb

until it grew late

 

then I’d take down one of the paper books

from the shelf and kick off my shoes

and contemplate

 

If I felt like it, I’d go out of the tidy front door

carrying the tiny peg basket

and gather china fruit

 

I’d share it out with the wooden dog

and the three-legged cat

and warm myself at the grate.

 

If I could shrink and not grow up

I’d live my life in the room of gold chairs

behind the five-barred gate.

 

© Carole Bromley

 

Joke:

What’s black and white and red all over?

¡ɹǝdɐdsʍǝu ɐ

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Funny Poem a Day

A Rainbow of Funny Poems – When Grandpa Painted the Garden by John Rice

Lola is a very strange dog. She is not keen on the garden. She likes a game of football, she loves a game of catch, she enjoys the occasional jump over agility fences, but if we are just gardening, or sitting, she goes to the door to be let back in. She much prefers being on the windowsill looking out at the garden. If you let her out for a wee she races back in. So she would definitely not be around to be painted by John Rice’s Grandpa. Thank you John! 

When Grandpa Painted the Garden

When Grandpa painted the garden
He used all the tins in his shed
He painted the daffodils purple
And the lilies, half-blue and half-red

He painted the grass sparkling silver,
The roses were spotted and striped
But the daisies hid under the bushes
So they could avoid being swiped.

He painted the trees all in yellow:
A wonderful golden effect.
Then, smiling, he turned and faced Grannie:
His next multicoloured project.

 

© John Rice

 

Joke:

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Orange!
  Orange who?
Orange you glad I’m here?

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Funny Poem a Day

A Rainbow of Poems: Hallowe’en by Roger Stevens

Today we have an orange funny poem. Above you can see puppy Lola luxuriating on an enormous orange bean bag… she still likes big beds the bigger the better. Today’s poem is by Roger Stevens – thank you, Roger!

 

Hallowe’en

 

Darren’s got a pumpkin

Hollowed out a treat

He put it in the window

It scared half the street

 

I wish I had a pumpkin

But I’ve not and it’s a shame

I’ve got a scary carrot

But it’s not the same

 

© Roger Stevens

 

Joke:

Are any vampires good at maths?

¡ɐןnɔɐɹᗡ ʇunoϽ noʎ ssǝןun – oN

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Funny Poem a Day

A Rainbow of Poems – The Wolf, by Carole Bromley

Here’s Lola looking slightly guilty as she knows she is not meant to have snuck onto my duvet… today we have a wonderful ‘red’ funny poem about Red Riding Hood, with a twist – The Wolf, by Carole Bromley, thank you, Carole!

 

The Wolf

 

It’s not true that I ate the granny;

thought about it but she was too skinny,

so tough she’d have given me wind.

All I did was put her in a cupboard.

 

The riding hood made me see red

all that ooh Grandma stuff she said

gruff voice, hairy hands, big teeth.

Couldn’t she see what was underneath?

 

And I never tempted her off that path

Flowers? Me? Don’t make me laugh.

What I really wanted was those cakes,

that honey, those yummy tray bakes.

 

I’m allergic to pesky kids in red

and their bony grans. Whatever I did

I didn’t deserve that axe,

just wanted to chill out, relax.

 

The bed was so comfy, the pillow so soft

I put on the nighty, felt a bit daft

but curled up tight for a bit of a kip

when little red turns up, skippety skip

 

with marigolds in a little posy.

Why did she have to be so nosy?

Ooh Grandma this Ooh grandma that,

questions, questions. What a brat.

 

All the better to eat you with. My joke

fell flat. Before you know it this bloke

barges in, never even knocked,

broke the door down. It wasn’t locked.

 

Opened the wardrobe, let out gran,

came at me with his chopper. I ran

in night-cap and bloomers down that lane,

Catch me going there again.

 

© Carole Bromley

 

Joke:

What are the wolf’s favourite days of the year?

¡sʎɐp-ᴉ-lʍoɥ ǝɥʇ

 

Posted in A Rainbow of Poems, Funny Poem a Day

A Rainbow of Poems – Red, by Neal Zetter

This is Lola as a puppy on the red bean bag, with her favourite toy – she still loves balls! Today there is a red poem by Neal Zetter, thank you very much, Neal!

Red

Red is a stunning sunset horizon
Red is a flickering flame
Red is the hottest hue you’ll lay your eyes on
Red is half the pack of a playing card game
Red is the brightness in neon lighting
Red is the blood of Count Dracula’s biting
The Devil himself is red, red, red!
Which shade did Dad choose to paint our garden shed?
Red!

Don’t confuse the Red Sea with the Dead Sea
Which is your favourite red fruit – cherry, raspberry or strawberry?
Too much TV and IT will redden your eyes
Red ants in your pants is not a pleasant surprise
If your skin’s burning lobster red get off that sunbed
Check out those clowns with massive red noses
Smell the sweetness of my Valentine’s red roses

He was red with embarrassment
She was red with anger
Swimming by the red flag puts you in grave danger
Stop!
A red signal will halt speeding traffic
Pop!
My red balloon burst as a pin pricked its plastic
If your red’s too red then think
About mixing in white to turn it pink

Ladies like to apply red makeup to their lips
Kids love to pour red ketchup on their chips
And if you’re seriously silly
You might put raw red chilli on your tongue
Want a red fire engine dial 911
In the USA
Or 999 in the UK
Ole!
The bull charged the matador on seeing red
If you’re colourblind you may be seeing green instead
Red rubies, cabbages, hair, beetroot, cheeks
Apples, pandas, buses, Lego bricks.

 

© Neal Zetter

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day: Cosy by Jonathan Humble

Lola doesn’t often wear a hat. But when she does, I think you will agree, she does it with aplomb. This is her in piratical mood. Today’s poem is about a hat. Or is it? It’s by Jonathan Humble, thank you Jonathan!

 

Joke:

What did the tie say to the hat?

¡punoɹɐ ƃuɐɥ ll,I ‘pɐǝɥ ɐ uo oƃ noʎ

Here is Jonathan’s lovely dog, Arthur, just after eating a biscuit!

 

Posted in Funny Poem a Day

Funny Poem a Day – Snack Attack, by Liz Brownlee

Lola is not allowed cakes or biscuits. But at the North Somerset Teachers’ Book Awards ceremonies, there are always a LOT of cakes. The books are showcased on Twitter by the ceremony organisers’ dogs. Dogs are always welcome. And so just this once, when a little hopeful head poked up underneath the tablecloth, I allowed her to have a little lick.

Today’s poem is by me – it’s all about a Snack Attack.

 

 

And here’s a joke:

How do alien poets write their poems?

¡sǝsɹǝʌ-ᴉun uᴉ

 

Posted in Poetry Videos

A Poem or Two from Gerard Benson

Today was Gerard Benson’s birthday and as usual I am posting a couple of films of him reading his poems – not that I ever saw him reading a poem, he knew them all off by heart, and hundreds of other poems besides! Gerard was a wonderful poet, a great friend, a lovely man. One of these is funny – and today’s funny poem is the next post down!  This is my favourite:

And here is a funny one…

Posted in Poetry News

Funny Poem a Day – Rabbit, by Liz Brownlee

A poem and drawing (bit rough!) by me today – I wrote this for one of the classes in the school for which I am a Reading Patron.

 

Rabbit

 

This rabbit has ears

very long, times two,

and eyes, very large

with an all-round view,

a snitch with a twitch and a chew.

 

He moves with a hop

and a lope and a leap.

and a thump of his

very large lollopy feet,

to seek treats for his big teeth to eat.

 

And if you should give

him a startle or scare,

where he was he won’t be

for he’s no longer there,

in a dash and a flash of white tail in the air.

 

© Liz Brownlee

 

Joke:

What’s the difference between a  bunny who runs marathons and a bunny who is a clown?

¡ʎuunɟ ʇᴉq ɐ sᴉ ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ puɐ ʎuunq ʇᴉɟ ɐ sᴉ ǝuO

 

And here’ s a picture of Lola leaping like a bunny!