Hello! I’m Liz Brownlee, National Poetry Day Ambassador! What’s on the poetry roundabout? Starting this week we have a funny poem a day to help give a little laugh to those in isolation, with or without children home from school. There will be photos of Lola my assistance dog, videos and things you can do, and of course, funny poems! Up top you will find some more fun and things to do in the menu. Come in and have some fun!
This is Lola with her best friend, a golden cocker spaniel called Blousey. As you can see they are both giggling about something. We don’t know what, though. They were born within weeks of each other and are both now 10.
Our poem today is from Bernard Young – thank you Bernard!
The Giggles
Our giggles are infectious.
They start off in our heads.
At first they’re only rumours.
Then the rumours spread.
(Giggling is contagious.
It soon catches on.
But if you do it in the classroom
you find you’re in the wrong).
When asked about The Giggles
we won’t know what to say
but we’ll get into trouble
if they don’t go away.
‘Do tell me what’s so funny,’
Miss Simpson will demand
but if we say, ‘Nothing, Miss’
she won’t understand.
She’ll think we’ve got a secret
and I suppose we have
but we’re completely baffled:
What was it made us laugh?
We need to find a reason.
she’ll expect us to explain.
I just hope our explanation
doesn’t set us off again.
Our giggles are infectious.
They start off in our heads.
At first they’re only rumours.
Then the rumours spread.
© Bernard Young
Joke – What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Here is Bernard with his lovely old cat, called Toffee.
This is Lola’s reaction to an orange. Mu-uuuum! I was expecting a treat! Not this thing of pips smelling of pith! Bafflement is, I think you will agree, written all over her face. Luckily, she didn’t have to eat it. I gave her a morsel of meat.
Today’s poem is by Coral Rumble, thank you, Coral!
© Coral Rumble
And here is a joke Coral sent:
I knew Coral was fond of cookies but I didn’t know that they served a purpose! I must eat more myself.
Here is Coral’s little dog, Gus.
I don’t have any photos of Lola in a farmyard, but I do have one of her with a spring in her step, during spring, taking my daughter rather by surprise with her speed when she was a puppy. She is still extraordinarily fast, can jump very high and dodge anything!
Today’s poem is by Trevor Millum, thank you Trevor!
The mat keowed
The mow cooed
The bog darked
The kigeon pooed
The squicken chalked
The surds bang
The kwuk dacked
The burch rells chang
And then, after all the dacking and the changing
The chalking and the banging
The darking and the pooing
The keowing and the kooing
There was a mewtiful beaumont
Of queace and pie-ate.
© Trevor Millum
Here are Trevor’s pets – called Stega, Stegee, Stego, Stegu and Simon.
How many eyes does Tyrannosaurus Rex have?
None! (only two ‘a’s, one ‘o’, two ‘u’s, and an ‘e’).
Another poem about laughter today – so here is Lola enjoying a giggle with her big brother when she was a puppy. It always makes me smile, anyway! She particularly like having her tummy tickled… Thank you, Philippa for this poem!
The Gift Of Laughter
I caught a peal of laughter
Before it got away
It flittered and it fluttered
Brightening up my day
It rippled in my hand
Pulsating with the giggles
A light and friendly laughter
That gave off little wiggles
See my laugh collection!
I’ve got chuckles and guffaws
Chortles and Hee hees and
Ha ha’s and haw haws!
I have saved this laughter
In a jar up in my room
And when I’m next unhappy
And filled with doom and gloom
I’ll let these peals fly
Bring a smile to those they touch
Laughter is a precious gift
Thank you very much
© Philippa Rae
Today’s joke – did you know that if you look at a mirror REALLY closely, it looks like an eyeball?
Oh! And Happy Birthday to Peter, my husband!
So today’s poem is by ME! Therefore it seems appropriate to have a picture of Lola as she is dressed when doing her job and accompanying me to… well everywhere! Lola is a medical detection dog. She has been trained to alert me to high or low blood sugar – I am diabetic, have no warnings of low blood sugar and fall very quickly. She lets me know before my blood sugar gets too low and I have some glucose and then I am ok – which stops me from becoming unconscious, as used to happen, regularly! She has saved my life many times. She is of course the best dog in the world. Here is one of my funny poems.
One day during registration
to his teacher’s consternation
Lloyd chewed his nails, his toes, and then
the half-done register and pen!
The Head, when called, watched in despair
as Lloyd scoffed whiteboards and a chair.
He cried, ‘This problem must be beaten –
we’re not insured for being eaten!’
But Lloyd just grinned, unhinged his jaw
and ate the lino off the floor,
gnashed ninety felt tips, slurped some glue,
then gobbled bags of gym shoes too!
The ipads crunched like toffee brittle –
then in a spray of liquid spittle
he snacked on Lego in the hall
and Harry hamster cage and all!
When class four’s P.C. bite by byte
followed their keyboard out of sight,
the children gasped, then saw with dread,
Lloyd’s eyes alight upon the Head!
With fervour, ‘PUDDING!’ Lloyd announced,
and with wild slaverings he pounced –
the Head yelled ‘STOP’ (his voice quite shrill)
‘I taste of greens, I’ll make you ill!’
And so Lloyd, when forced to pause here,
found he did feel some slight nausea-
his mum was called: ‘Please do come quick,
for school has made Lloyd very sick!’
© Liz Brownlee
What do you do if your dog chews up your poem?
You have to take the words right out of her mouth!
This is Lola looking a tad apprehensive. She’s a bit scared of the subject of the poem below, sent by Jonathan Humble – thank you Jonathan! I have reassured her that it’s NOT TRUE. The lovely dinosaur is drawn by Philip Waddell, who is also a poet! Thanks, Phil!
Karmasaurus
I am a little dinosaur;
the only one at school.
When teachers are not looking,
I’m the butt of ridicule.
At playtimes I’m not chosen
for games like hide and seek,
I often end up by myself,
alone and feeling bleak.
Sometimes I lose my sandshoes
and haven’t got a clue
just why I find them soaking
floating in the cloakroom loo.
The bigger kids will taunt me;
they’re such a nasty bunch.
But there’s no need to worry ‘cos
I eat them for my lunch.
© 2019 Jonathan Humble
Why can’t you hear a pterosaur using the bathroom? Because the “p” is silent!
Here is Jonathans’s pet dog, Arthur!
It doesn’t take much to make Lola laugh, a tickle, the sight of delicious, tasty morsels of meat… or if you tell her a joke. Of course, she doesn’t have the distinction of being named after a laugh. That is reserved for the chi-hua-hua-hua… Anyhoo, today’s poem to make you chuckle comes from Neal Zetter, thank you Neal! You can find my favourite of Neal’s books here. It is about superheroes!
Have a Laugh
Have a chuckle
Have a giggle
Till your belly bobs and jiggles
Go on – act completely daft
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
You’ll feel jolly
You’ll feel cheery
When your day is dull and dreary
Don’t sing in your shower or bath
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
He! He! He!
Try a bit of comedy
Laugh, laugh, laugh
Have a laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Make a smirk
Make a smile
Keep on grinning all the while
Like hyenas
Not giraffes
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Why be grumpy?
Why be moody?
When you’re down and bored and broody
Reach out to your happy half
Have a laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
He! He! He!
Melt away your misery
Laugh, laugh, laugh
Have a laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
© Neal Zetter
Here is Neal with his dog, Hugo, who looks very like Lola!
It has to be said that Lola is partial to a box. Not as partial as Milla our cat was, but she still quite likes them. However, unlike in Josh’s Box poem, Lola prefers her toys – particularly her unicorn. Thanks for this poem Josh! You can find this poem in Josh’s great new book, Welcome to My Crazy Life, Bloomsbury Education.
Box
You can give her a ball
or a small fluffy toy,
you can hand her a plaything
for her to enjoy,
you can come home all laden
with ramps, posts and blocks,
but all that she’ll want
is a plain cardboard box.
You can go to the pet shop
and fritter your dosh
on fancy contraptions
that seem rather posh,
you can hope that your purchases
will entertain her,
but all that she’ll want
is the cardboard container.
You can have lots of love
and the best of intentions
and spend all your time
coming up with inventions,
but nothing that you do
will she deem acceptable,
all that she’ll crave
is the cardboard receptacle.
So listen in closely
and heed my advice,
no matter your gift
and no matter how nice,
the only thing certain
is this paradox,
all that she’ll want
is the damn cardboard BOX!
© Joshua Seigal
Here is Josh’s own pet, his beeeautiful cat, Bluebell!
Lola has an amazing range of facial expressions – I had no idea before getting a dog that they really do have very expressive faces. Lola always gets her point across, whatever her feelings. As you can see above – this expression means, I don’t wanna wear a BOW! Or possibly, I am NOT being seen in public like this! Needless to say she has not been in a bow since.
Today’s poem is by lovely Roger Stevens, it comes from his and Brian Moses’ book The Waggiest Tails, Otter-Barry, which is full to the brim with lovely dog poems, written by dogs. There is even one by Lola about Lola in there. Thank you, Roger!
Don’t Wanna
I don’t wanna go to bed
don’t wanna get up
don’t wanna stop chewing
that smelly sock
I don’t wanna stay
I don’t wanna come
don’t wanna stop chasing
the shadows in the sun
I don’t wanna be quiet
I just wanna bark
don’t wanna stop chasing
the ducks in the park
don’t wanna walk quietly
don’t wanna walk to heel
and if you were a puppy
you’d know how I feel
© Roger Stevens
Lola doesn’t seem too worried by sharks in this photo – although she hates getting her feet wet. She jumps over puddles, she prances round dog pee, and only paddles up to her ankles (do dogs have ankles?). She actually proudly reached this point in the river by delicately picking her way over rocks. Do not be deceived. She’s a water wimp. And probably with good reason, judging from Myles’ poem, below. Thanks, Myles!
Lola (pictured with Gromit in Bristol) says let’s hear some laughter! For teachers, parents, children (this is a safe site) and anyone who could do with a giggle. thank you so much to lovely Sue.
A review is coming soon of her absolutely FABULOUS new book… If I Were Other Than Myself, Troika Books.
Toilet Humour
Miss, my last 2p
fell in the loo
where there should’ve been 1 p
there’s 1 plus 2
Me! Get it out?
No it’s covered
in dirty water…
So what I was thinking is
Missss – can you?
Or better still
get me a clean one?
©SHD 2020
Along with my assistance dog, Lola, I think we could all do with some fun parts to the day at the minute, so I intend to post a funny poem a day if at all possible – really funny, funny poems from books, out of copyright poems and also poems from well-known children’s poets! Let’s hear some laughter! For teachers, parents, children (this is a safe site) and anyone who could do with a giggle.
The FIRST poem is one of my all-time favourites. It was selected by Gerard Benson for his excellent Signal Award winning book: this poem doesn’t rhyme, Puffin.
WHAT FOR!
One more word, said my dad,
And I’ll give you what for.
What for? I said.
That’s right, he said, what for!
No, I said, I mean what for?
What will you give me what for for?
Never you mind, he said. Wait and see.
But what is what for for? I said.
What’s what for for? he said,
It’s to teach you what’s what,
That’s what.
What’s that? I said.
Right, he said, you’re for it,
I’m going to let you have it.
Have what? I said.
Have what? He said,
What for, that’s what.
Do you want me to really give you
Something to think about?
I don’t know, I said,
I’m thinking about it.
Then he clipped me over the ear.
It was the first time he’d made sense
All day.
© Noel Petty
Lorraine Mariner is Number 21 in my series where I ask a well-known poet, or lover of children’s poetry, to choose some of their favourite poetry books. Lorraine is an Assistant Librarian at the National Poetry Library, Southbank, working among one of the most comprehensive children’s poetry collections I have seen. Yes, I am a little jealous. She has published two poetry collections for adults with Picador, Furniture (2009), and There Will Be No More Nonsense (2014), and has a pamphlet, Anchorage, forthcoming this year with Grey Suit Editions. She has children’s poems in Dragons of the Prime, an anthology of dinosaur poems from The Emma Press (2019) and Midnight Feasts an anthology of food poems edited by A. F. Harrold, Bloomsbury (2019), and had a poem shortlisted in the excellent 2019 YorkMix Children’s Poetry Competition.
Enid Blyton’s Treasury of Verse (Purnell, 1979)
When I spotted this on the shelves of the National Poetry Library and saw the field mice on the cover my heart leapt with joy. I had this book as a child and loved it. Enid Blyton just has the ability to write stuff for kids that’s addictive.
Plum Pudding : Stories, Rhymes and Fun for the Very Young by Margaret Mayo (Orchard Books, 2000)
We regularly use rhymes from this book at our under-5s session at the National Poetry Library, you can’t go wrong with them. “Splishy-Sploshy Wet Day” always cheers me up on a rainy day.
The Noisy Classroom by Ieva Flamingo (The Emma Press Children’s Books, 2017)
The Emma Press is doing great work translating the best European children’s poets into English. This book was a revelation to me in my own writing for children; here is poet really writing for kids in the digital age about the loneliness and pressures being constantly connected can bring.
The Bubble Wrap and Other Poems by Dean Parkin (Smith/Doorstop, 2017)
I had no idea my friend Dean Parkin could draw until he published this book. Funny and touching poems from “Granddad in Goal” to the magic of Spagnets.
National Geographic Book of Animal Poetry edited by J. Patrick Lewis (National Geographic, 2012)
I’ve bought this book for many of the children in my life. Beautiful photographs and stellar poems from classic and contemporary poets make this a total winner.
Poems from a Green & Blue Planet edited by Sabrina Mahfouz (Hodder Children’s Books, 2019)
And this is a new anthology I’m now buying for all the children in my life. Again, a wonderful mix of classic and newly commissioned poems celebrating the natural world.
Is that the New Moon? : Poems by Women Poets collected by Wendy Cope (Lions Teen Tracks : 1989)
Aimed at teenagers, I actually read this anthology in my early twenties and it introduced me to the women poets who have come to mean so much to me. Looking through it again I see that many of the poems have stayed with me and are among my favourites.
Tell Me the Truth About Life : a National Poetry Day Anthology : 100 Poems That Matter (Michael O’Mara, 2019)
And this is another great anthology for getting to know poets and poems. Lovingly curated by Cerys Matthews it features poems nominated by Britain’s poetry readers (some quite famous ones) and includes a poem of mine.
Lorraine Mariner
Young poets, teachers with young poets – here is a competition on the theme of Journeys.
Details on the National Poetry Library website, here.
Paul Cookson has visited around 4000 schools, libraries, festivals, front rooms, written and edited over 60 titles – including the best selling The Works – and has sold over a million books. He is a National Poetry Day Ambassador. Everton Football Club commissioned a poem for their season ticket campaign and the Everton Home poem which can be found online; it has been played on the big screens at Goodison Park. His collection The Very Best Of (Macmillan) contains many of his signature poems. His new collection for younger children, There’s a Crocodile in the House is reviewed here. Paul’s website is here and his Twitter here.
THE MERSEY SOUND – ROGER McGOUGH, BRIAN PATTEN & ADRIAN HENRI
Like many of my generation ( yes, I am that old ! ), this was the first book to switch my poetry light on. Poems that didn’t look like the poems we had to read at school, poems that were funny and ordinary – in short poems that made us think we could do it too. Roger McGough has always been one of my very favourite poets – whether for children or adults – and these days I still look forward to any brand new releases. This is where it all started. Just wonderful.
THE LUCKIEST GUY ALIVE – JOHN COOPER CLARKE
Even though this is a recent publication I’m going to put this next as chronologically John was the first poet I ever saw perform live – supporting Be Bop Deluxe at Preston Guildhall. I’ve loved his work and style ever since. If Roger was the first poet to make me want to write poems then John was the first poet who made me want to perform them. And I think his work is now stronger than ever. Not for kids – but brilliant!
NICE AND NASTY – STEVE TURNER
This was a large format collection of poems. I lent my copy to a French girl and she never returned it … so I don’t have the original anymore. But I remember the simplicity, fun and wordplay – and have followed Steve ever since. Short poems are fun / you can tell at a glance / whether you like them or not.
UP THE BOO AYE SHOOTING POOKAKIES – MIKE HARDING
Always a fan of Lancashire folk singer and comedian I bought this collection and “The Singing Street” from his mailing list. “Up The Boo Aye …” was a sumptuously presented colour collection of mad children’s poems! So much fun. “The Singing Street” was black and white , illustrated, with poems about childhood and growing up. Both had a profound and inspirational effect on me over the years. His poems for adults are stunning too.
FALLING UP – SHEL SIVERSTEIN
I love the look of these books – they are spacious where the poems and pictures have time to breathe. I hate cluttered books. There is fun a plenty – crazy rhymes and wordplay and stuff that just makes me smile. I could have picked any one of his books but this is a cracker.
COLLECTED POEMS – GARETH OWEN
Salford Road, Den To Let … and more. Poems I wish I’d written! I love the wry humour and conversational tone that Gareth infuses into his poetry. There is warmth and nostalgia, humour and pathos. Everyone should have this collection – it is that good. And our love of Everton ( and poetry ) made us friends – mostly Everton though!
THE RAIN IN PORTUGAL – BILLY COLLINS
A few years ago I went to the Festival Hall – mainly to see Roger McGough – but Billy Collins was there too. And I loved his work there and then. Somewhat ordinary and understated there is a profundity lurking that catches you unawares. He captures moments majestically and magically. Simple, straightforward, yet with hidden depths – poetry we can understand.
THE VERY BEST OF PAUL COOKSON
I’m tempted to go for my latest collection – “There’s a Crocodile In The House” ( your latest is always a favourite ) – but I’m going to go for my VERY BEST OF because of the range of poems therein. As a performer who like to make audiences laugh you can get stereotyped as “that funny poet” ( and I love that, I really do! And I think funny poems are very much under rated – often by people who can’t write funny poems to be honest! ). But this collection has a real variety of styles, genres, subjects and emotions and poems that I’m really proud of. If you want laughs and joining in – well, go for “Crocodile”!!
Paul Cookson
